Please God

Standing on the sidelines waiting for my turn. God says "here is a beautiful baby boy", I raise my hand and say "pick me pick me", but He has another plan for that little miracle. God says "here is a beautiful baby girl", I raise my hand and say "pick me, pick me", but once again He has another plan for that little miracle. He has one for the single mom, one for the happy married couple, twins for the drug addict, another one for a married couple, octuplets for the single mom, one little miracle for the one night stand, one for the teenager that isn't even old enough to drive, another for the couple that has been praying and trying for 10 years, triplets for the couple who went to the fertility center, and another set of twins for a teenage mom with 2 already at home. God when is it my turn again. I belong to a small group of women, I have two blessings so I am not welcome at the infertility support group where they have none, I don't fit into the group of women that have large families because as much as I pray this hasn't been my blessing, I struggle to conceive and accept every month that the answer is no. Where do I belong? I'm running out of years where I am "needed" by my children, soon they will be in college and married and living their beautiful lives. Most of my friends are pregnant, recently had a baby, or have a younger child at home....where do I belong? I have a crib, love, and space and time. I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't spank, I try very hard not to yell, I am happily married, I have a quilt that I have worked on for months for a little baby, I have onesies that I hand-stitched, I have time, I have love and patience, why won't God pick me. Did I do something wrong, did I say something wrong, are there no babies left for me? I am still standing here waiting for God to pick me. The tears are for hurt and sorrow, my heart feels so heavy, but I want to fully accept whatever God has planned for me. I don't want to hurt or cry anymore. Please God carry me.