No call yet.....

but I sit here crying anyway. I have been trying to keep busy, but when I stop the tears start flowing. I am extremely blessed and I am so thankful for every single gift God has given me. So why does this hurt so much, why can't I just see the good and not the hurtful things. I'm working on cleaning out the room that was to be a nursery. Partly I am cleaning it out because I was looking for some missing items. But being in there makes me wonder if there will ever be another baby in our lives. When I was first married I thought for sure we would have a huge family....12 children! DH wants a large family too. Why was the cross of infertility handed to me? Why not to someone who doesn't want children yet keeps having them out of habit? I won't know the answer until I get to Heaven (if I get to Heaven). But I do often wonder what I did wrong. What I can change. I found a book today that I have owned for years called "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence". There is an excellent passage by Saint Claude De La Colombiere about Perseverance in Prayer. I wish I could type it out for all of you here, but because of copyrights I can not. If you ever have a chance to pick up this book, turn to page 125, it's just two short pages of reading, but it speaks volumes to me. It still doesn't stop my tears, but I am human with human emotions and feelings and sometimes logic and faith are clouded by them.