The hardest part?

It seems to change day by day, what the hardest part is of infertility and treatment. Friday the hardest part was the waiting, today the hardest part is not being able to share with family this journey we are on.

My mom called today to ask me to go to a quilting show this weekend. Because I'm now on stims and my life really does go day by day, bloodwork results by ultrasound result, it is impossible to say if I will be able to go or not. She just couldn't accept this answer and got upset. I desperately wanted to say "I'm on fertility drugs I have no idea what will be going on with my body by the end of the week and I just can't make plans right now"....but I couldn't. She believes that if you can't conceive naturally that God doesn't want you to have those children. I believe that God wants us to do our best to ready our bodies for His blessings and that what I'm doing in simply making my body the best able to support the life he creates. But this is something my mother will NEVER understand so I just can't share it with her.

My in-laws might be coming by this weekend, we still aren't sure yet. The last time DH talked to them he was told "it isn't looking good". I wish we could tell them, that we would love to see them but we aren't sure how much time we will have. I wish we could tell them that we are trying to create another grandchild for them, another blessing in the family, but we can't. I don't fully understand all the reasons we can't, but right now DH is saying we can't because even though we have been trying for 9 years, they will think we conceived because his twin brother just announced that his wife is pregnant with their second child. If they understood infertility they would know that we couldn't just walk into a doctors office get these drugs and be pregnant within a month, but since we aren't sure what our families understand and don't understand we aren't really able to say anything.

My dad - oh I would love to tell my dad, of everyone he would be the happiest for us. I thought about telling him the other night when he called, but I just couldn't. Not sure why, I think it is because I want to see his face when we tell him in person that we are pregnant. We are visiting him and his wife at the end of August so I'm really hoping that we do conceive this cycle and are able to tell them on that visit!

Most of my friends know what we are doing, none of DH's friends know. Of course everyone who reads my blog knows, even if we don't know each other "in real life".

Today I just wish I could share with everyone what we are doing. DH and I are so thrilled to be given this chance to conceive, words can't describe how happy we are right now. We both know that our joy will only increase drastically when we find out we are pregnant. I hope at that point our families are celebrating with us!